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father ted caravan episode quotes

It’s so vague and no one really knows what it’s about.”, Dougal: “God Ted, I’ve heard about those cults. It is time for Ted, Dougal, and Jack to take their annual holiday. Priest: “I think Ted has a plan.” First appearance of Larry Duff, who drives his Ford Granada off a cliff. You can rub off the letters.” They decide to go on to Kilkelly Caravan Park, staying in the caravan of a friend. The last time you stayed up to watch a scary film you ended up having to sleep in my bed. Not cocaine! The priests are reported and are soon in trouble with the gardaí. In the wind. Dougal: “Exactly Ted, if people aren’t even going to shave their babies before they come out, I mean…”, Mr. Fox: “Milk gets sour y’know. Dougal: Knock, knock! Brilliant. *Ted is not amused* I mightn’t be able to devote myself full-time to the old racism. They are forced to hitch back home but manage to flag down the slurry lorry - with very messy results. Fandom may earn an affiliate commission on sales made from links on this page. Father Ted Wiki is a FANDOM TV Community. During the episode “New Jack City”, Dougal comes barging into the living room like a bull in a china shop. Where are you going, (long pause) 5. And you know something?! 50 of the best lines from Peep Show Dougal: “Ah, Ted, I think that might just be Father Jack’s underpants hamper.”, Dougal: “We were just talking about that fella Kurt Cobain. Oh, and Dougal, you need more than one record for a collection. Father Ted: Dougal… you didn’t go to a fire station by mistake, did you? The caravan site is on the West coast of Ireland at Fanfore Beach, County Clare. He was portrayed by Irish actor-turned-TV presenter Graham Norton. Like a train in the night!”. This week marked 20 years since the sad death of Dermot Morgan – beloved to millions of comedy fans as Father Ted. Sergeant Deegan: “Ah, no no, I mean, you know, the films.”, Mrs Doyle: “It doesn’t matter what day it is, Father. Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Father Ted: Well Dougal… priests generally tend to have a strong belief in the afterlife. Ted’s speech after he had uncovered a criminal conspiracy to rig a sheep competition: Father Ted: He’s lost the trust of his sheep. Ted: “Were you in Vietnam, sergeant?” Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners, Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners, 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier, 25 of the most ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes, 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes, 20 of Malcolm Tucker’s most cutting insults, 25 of the greatest Absolutely Fabulous quotes, darling, The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team, 50 of the funniest Friends quotes and jokes, 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners, 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners, 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners, 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes, 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults, 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners, 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips, 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland, US election 2020 live stream: how to watch the results online from UK tonight, and start times, Who is winning the US election? Like a train in the night, Episode cast overview, first billed only. Any time I wanted!” Have you been drinking?! *Ted is cut off before he can finish explaining himself* They’ve got the direct line.”, Ted: “Down with this sort of thing!” He and Dougal think for several minutes, before Jack emerges in swim wear and flip-flops. View production, box office, & company info. Jack's bath-time is just before Christmas. Salem’s Lot?”, Ted: “What was it Jack used to say about the needy? While flying home from a trip with a group of priests, Father Ted's plane encounters trouble. Dougal and Ted are waiting for a group of bishops to visit their house: *Dougal is looking out the window with a pair of binoculars* Father Dougal: Oh, I wish I had your faith Ted. In fact, it belongs to a young couple who are showering as the priests enter. Mrs Doyle is telling Ted about the dangers of visiting mainland Ireland: Mrs Doyle: We should all be very careful on the mainland. Ted: Who’s there? And ride you over fences, Imagine blowing your head off with a shotgun. (Water leaks heavily from the roof and lands on Jack's head), (Niamh and Dougal are in the parochial house living room), (Ted is having a pleasant dream when Dougal wakes him up), (Ted falls asleep and starts dreaming again. *Mrs Doyle rolls her eyes, as if she’s just after making a common mistake* Can you see him there? And bring you to the horse dentist. Small… far away… ah forget it!”, Ted: “Old women are closer to God than we’ll ever be. Elderly farmer: Ah, ya. What’s the worst that could happen to him anyway?” Meanwhile, Jack is seen alive and well on a yacht. Who would he be like? Whereas priests…”, Ted: “I was just thinking about my next parish. Ted: “No Dougal, that wasn’t mad. He is approached by three beautiful women who offer him a generous choice of drinks. But after a while… it just wasn’t enough. Incidentally, did you bring any teabags? Ted: “Well Dougal, he could have an accident and be killed.” (Father Stone, Ted and Jack are in the living room. After robbing a post office, Tom, the village idiot, explains himself: Tom: No Father. *Mid-sentence, Ted realises that he’s about to put his foot in his mouth* Noel is excitable, talkative and very camp. Fame beckons for Ted when Terry MacNamee phones up to interview him for the television. Father Ted: Dougal, how exactly did you get into the priesthood? They are going to Kilkelly caravan park, hopefully in a more luxurious caravan than the one they had last year. Dougal: “Oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.”, Colm: “I hear you’re a racist now, Father?”, Dougal: “Ted, could you pass me my record collection?” (points at Father Ted) Gobsh*te!”, Ted: “He’s not a very nice man, is he?” Nobody is talking) 2. The man manages to jump onto the bonnet and rides along for miles, his towel blowing away. Ted, using model animals and ultimately in vain, tries to explain to Dougal the difference between 'small' and 'far away'. Hello Colm! Sure didn’t our Lord himself on the cross pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world? Was it, like, ‘collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest? They are forced to hitch back home but manage to flag down the slurry lorry - with very messy results. After the rainstorm subsides, Jack is taken out to the Magic road where he plummets over the cliff edge. Eventually, Noel's behaviour is enough to make Ted and Dougal decide to leave. Highlights of the holiday include St Kevins Stump and the Magic Road ( that's about it). Approaching the park, they see a large, luxurious caravan which they mistake as theirs. He had a term for them… Dougal asks Ted a question about the afterlife: Father Dougal: Do you believe in an afterlife? Can you imagine Father, looking up at your husband, and him standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself? Ted and Dougal decide to put Jack to sleep (by putting a cardboard box over his head) and search for entertainment. Can you imagine Father? Third appearance of Tom. As Ted tries to enter the nearby outhouse, he realizes too late that the stall is occupied by the woman from the luxury caravan. What time is it now?” Ted: “Yeah?” Hell [Ted and Dougal deciding what to do next on their boring holiday]: Father Dougal: Do you want to walk over to that fence? Noel Furlong is an extremely hyperactive priest who annoys everyone around him. Chewing gum for the eyes!” Noel is excitable, talkative and very camp. What you have is a record.”, Dougal: “I love egg. Written by Dougal: “You’re right, Ted. Out and about? Use the HTML below. No… I meant… What do you call them… Raisins! They all became firemen. 1. Ted: “It won’t, no.”, Dougal: “There’s nothing stupid about football! Father Ted: MORE DRINK! I’m a priest. Father Dougal: Ted, you’re not going to believe it! 4. That’s Catholicism you’re talking about there.”, Ted: “Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices Dougal?” It’s a great old pet for him! Father Dougal: ...must be one of those ones that clicks off automatically. Noel is extremely annoying to anyone including his youth group and soon Ted and Dougal have to leave before they both go mad. Father Ted: No! Tour Guide: “Well… you know, rocks are generally different sizes.” Father Ted: That’s the great thing about Catholicism. Mrs Doyle: Are you sure, Father? This page was last edited on 28 October 2020, at 05:51. '”, Ted: “I think it might work, Dougal. In fact sometimes I think I’m going to turn into a big giant egg.” 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes This week marked 20 years since the sad death of Dermot Morgan – beloved to millions of comedy fans as […] By … Father Dougal: No… no… oh wait… 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier Ted: “It was awful alright. And there’s nothing at all stupid about the annual All-Priests Five-a-Side over 75s Indoor Football Challenge Match, against Rugged Island!”, Dougal: “Didn’t you tell me once that Father Jack had a trial for Liverpool?” Elderly farmer: It’s just that the farm takes up most of the day, and at night, I like to have a cup of tea. Latest live results in full as Biden attempts to remove Trump from White House, Six more states declare for Trump as Biden picks up New York and New Mexico, What the orange dot on your iPhone screen means after iOS 14 update, US election live results map 2020: Who has won the Presidential race in every state so far. SCORE: 9.6/10. Dougal: Father Dougal McGuire. A list of some of the funniest Father Ted quotes. Father Ted: “May.”, Mrs Doyle (While Ted is trying to eat a sausage): “They were a bit obsessed with the old… S-E-X. How’d he manage to survive that?” “My Lovely Horse, Father Dougal: Ah yeah, I didn’t recognise anyone. Dougal: “Oh God, Ted, for a second there I thought you were going to give me something completely stupid to do.”, Ted: “I’m not a fascist. 7. Ted (Demonstrating  some plastic toy cows to Dougal): “OK, one last time. 3. Tom presses the wrong button and covers Ted and Dougal with raw sewage. You’re a pony no more, After Ted is falsely accused of being racist, he resorts to giving a cringe-worthy slideshow presentation about how great the Chinese are: Father Ted: The Chinese – A great bunch of lads. Plot Line: 10/10. 6. Directed by Declan Lowney. So you’ve changed from your initial prediction of… What was it again?! And two years since the passing of Frank Kelly, renowned for his turn as Father Jack. More funny quotes from some of the other episodes! Tis my money. Father Ted: No he didn’t Mrs Doyle! I wouldn’t mind, but it wasn’t even a scary film.” How to test your HAProxy configuration file. [Ted and Dougal having a nice cup of tea]: Father Dougal: Will I put on the kettle? What’s the official line that the church has taken on this? Airdate: 8 March 1996 Quotes [Ted and Dougal deciding what to do next on their boring holiday]: Father Dougal: Do you want to walk over to that fence? Father Ted: I’m fine for cake, Mrs Doyle. • Have your say on the latest TV with Screen Babble, the television discussion group on Facebook. Title: Dougal: “What? Ted: Good night Dougal! He runs the St. Luke's Youth Group and is first encountered during Ted's abortive caravaning holiday in the Series 2 premiere "Hell". The priests go on holiday to a caravan park where they are joined by the exceedingly annoying and terribly jolly Father Noel Furlong, who wants them to join in a sing-song with his bored youth group. Oh, get a good mental picture of it. Directed by Declan Lowney. Dougal: “How come all the rocks are different sizes?” *Father Ted adopts a sarcastic tone of voice* !”, Ted: “Do you not notice the holy smell of the room?”

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